there is definitely something about korea that is very daunting.
makes it so very alluring for me to try new things and be a rebel to the way i was in the past. i don't think it's the sheer fact that i'm in a new place and want to try new things, because that was me in the beginning of when i came to korea.
so now that i've kinda been there and done that, i feel like maybe this is just a side of me that i've been keeping hidden - kept bottled and restricted because i didn't want to show the real under-the-face-value of my self. maybe it's just a phase in korea, i'm not even sure. i know that the current life i'm living isn't glorifying to God in many ways, but i know for sure that i wasn't being myself back at home.
maybe there's a way to fuse the two together and be the real me with God.
who knows.
-ajc
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
on pursuance.
i realize that, as a Christian, the life of pursuance entails a whole different perspective. it takes a change of mind that you don't see the exact thing at hand... but there's always something more you should be seeking.
when it comes to the true pursuance of living a good Christian life with a good Christian set of mind (i'm not even sure what "good" means itself), it's more than living the Christian life but living a life with your eyes set on Christ and nothing else - to seek no other one's glory but God's and God's alone.
when it comes to the pursuance of a partner or mate or whatever, it doesn't exactly mean someone who matches your personality perfectly, someone who your family likes the most, someone who you think would make the best future mate (not even idealistic), but someone who pushes you to seek God evermore. someone that, while pursuing, takes an even greater pursuing of God in order to fulfill that duty. and no matter what, it needs to be God first, before them. and they have to understand that. i think i have an idea about this... but we'll get into that later... when i'm more sure about it.
when it comes to the pursuance of your goal career in life, it's not exactly in what way your brain works (physics, math, etc.), what you love to do, what your parents tell you is right, what makes the best money, or what your dream is, but it's something that God has made you on this planet to do. it's more than your feeling, but a passion that is stirring in your heart. heck, if mine was to be a billionaire and fund missionaries worldwide, i'd be all for it. my life entailed talking to people and trying to be there for them and... COMPUTERS! so i figured, maybe i'll pursue computers since i love them so much and i happen to understand them really well. WRONG! that's a side story. then the people.. i figured, since computers didn't work... maybe counseling? i mean i seem to like psychology a lot and take it in really well. however, that wasn't the case, too. even though i had been pursuing that for most of my college career. and actually, it's not too say that it won't help me in my now present career path, because i actually think it really will.
when it comes to the pursuance of people and the way your heart is made for them, it may not exactly be who you are towards them at the moment, the way you're comfortable around them, or even who MAKES you comfortable. but it's how what fulfills your soul as you engage and interact with them. how you can share your heart and pour it out daily to one another, whether it be thinking about them, praying for them, having breakfast with them, or having a mid-workbreak talk with them. i don't know. i don't have this down for myself, but it seems as if my heart is opening more and more to different types of people these days. maybe cuz i'm in a whole new environment.
when it comes to the pursuance of knowing your own heart, that... is something i hardly even know, but i know that it's not by keeping stuff to yourself, talking with people all the time, spreading yourself in as many ways as possible, or putting yourself in situations where you're going to be uncomfortable. i don't know, maybe in many ways it is.. but i know that that's not the whole picture. i know that you need more alone time than you think. i know that you need something (hopefully someONE) to vent to and really have a MUTUAL heart to heart talk with. i know that it's in the pursuing of God to see His heart for you in a sense (and i don't even quite know what that means exactly). but i just know that it's something like that.. and probably more.
i just wish that i could, myself, pursue these things in the right manner. it's in my head, but it's not in my heart. i kinda believe that i also need that person who i CAN have that mutual heart to heart with. but i don't know. there are definitely many variables in life.. at least there's God as the one constant who holds me together.
i'm sure many people may disagree with many of the things i have to say. obviously this is more my interpretation and understanding rather than fact, but hey if you agree, then cool.
when it comes to the true pursuance of living a good Christian life with a good Christian set of mind (i'm not even sure what "good" means itself), it's more than living the Christian life but living a life with your eyes set on Christ and nothing else - to seek no other one's glory but God's and God's alone.
when it comes to the pursuance of a partner or mate or whatever, it doesn't exactly mean someone who matches your personality perfectly, someone who your family likes the most, someone who you think would make the best future mate (not even idealistic), but someone who pushes you to seek God evermore. someone that, while pursuing, takes an even greater pursuing of God in order to fulfill that duty. and no matter what, it needs to be God first, before them. and they have to understand that. i think i have an idea about this... but we'll get into that later... when i'm more sure about it.
when it comes to the pursuance of your goal career in life, it's not exactly in what way your brain works (physics, math, etc.), what you love to do, what your parents tell you is right, what makes the best money, or what your dream is, but it's something that God has made you on this planet to do. it's more than your feeling, but a passion that is stirring in your heart. heck, if mine was to be a billionaire and fund missionaries worldwide, i'd be all for it. my life entailed talking to people and trying to be there for them and... COMPUTERS! so i figured, maybe i'll pursue computers since i love them so much and i happen to understand them really well. WRONG! that's a side story. then the people.. i figured, since computers didn't work... maybe counseling? i mean i seem to like psychology a lot and take it in really well. however, that wasn't the case, too. even though i had been pursuing that for most of my college career. and actually, it's not too say that it won't help me in my now present career path, because i actually think it really will.
when it comes to the pursuance of people and the way your heart is made for them, it may not exactly be who you are towards them at the moment, the way you're comfortable around them, or even who MAKES you comfortable. but it's how what fulfills your soul as you engage and interact with them. how you can share your heart and pour it out daily to one another, whether it be thinking about them, praying for them, having breakfast with them, or having a mid-workbreak talk with them. i don't know. i don't have this down for myself, but it seems as if my heart is opening more and more to different types of people these days. maybe cuz i'm in a whole new environment.
when it comes to the pursuance of knowing your own heart, that... is something i hardly even know, but i know that it's not by keeping stuff to yourself, talking with people all the time, spreading yourself in as many ways as possible, or putting yourself in situations where you're going to be uncomfortable. i don't know, maybe in many ways it is.. but i know that that's not the whole picture. i know that you need more alone time than you think. i know that you need something (hopefully someONE) to vent to and really have a MUTUAL heart to heart talk with. i know that it's in the pursuing of God to see His heart for you in a sense (and i don't even quite know what that means exactly). but i just know that it's something like that.. and probably more.
i just wish that i could, myself, pursue these things in the right manner. it's in my head, but it's not in my heart. i kinda believe that i also need that person who i CAN have that mutual heart to heart with. but i don't know. there are definitely many variables in life.. at least there's God as the one constant who holds me together.
i'm sure many people may disagree with many of the things i have to say. obviously this is more my interpretation and understanding rather than fact, but hey if you agree, then cool.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
to live is Christ, to die is gain.
I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.
- Achilles
i don't mean to take this quote literally... because to do so would be to say that greek gods exist, or to say that God envies us for our mortality. rather, i intend to say that the figurative dying to self is such a beautiful thing. us with our human, mortal tendencies are so flawed in every which way, which makes the choosing of the life of Christ all the more... lovely.
however, it's not all that easy.. obviously. to live the way the way of Christ is to suffer beyond compare, but with eternal benefits in God. even trying to figure out why this is so or why God is so loving is but a confounding factor to me. He is but far too loving and far too understanding for me to comprehend... and that is the beauty of God.
now, i mean to kind of take this quote literally. only in the second half mostly.
it kind of vocalizes the same opinion as the phrase "carpe diem." to live life to the fullest. now, the Achilles' quote only rings true if one were to literally carpe diem their life by virtue. however, here we are spending our days away doing absolutely nothing. getting nothing productive done. granted, there are times for that, but i really wish for this quote to be true in our lives.
the truth IS that any moment may be our last. the truth is that you never know if you maybe hit with a random disease, get hit by a car, get your plane hijacked, murdered by a cold-blooded serial killer, or die because your time is just up. i know that these scenarios aren't exactly the best scenarios to list out, but really anything can happen to our lives, our body parts, mental functioning, or family dysfunction. so with any function left in your life, live that out, squeeze to the pulp and leave no juice behind. "if life gives you lemons, make lemon juice..." or something like that. sieze your every day. and i really need to live by this, not in the secular sense but in the sense that the Lord will be pleased by what i do. that i would chose Him above all the other stupid things in this world, because really.. He is infinity times infinity to the infinity power better than anything this world can offer.
i think many of those either reading this or those in which i intend on writing this for... we really are in the primetimes of our lives. this is where are bodies, our minds, maybe not our spiritual lives.. but the first two.. it's where they are at their peak! this is most definitely one of the climaxes of our lives in many senses, so who are we to do such miniscule things. who are others to underestimate our beings. we were made for so many purposes in our lives, let's live them out!
and just to break apart the last sentence of Achilles' quote. we are here only once in this world (unless you believe otherwise), so there are no other chances with every passing day. the previous days we could've done this or that... but instead of lying in regret about the past, just sieze the days you have now and which are coming so you will never regret the passing days again. our life is limited, our days are numbered. if we were to break apart our lives into any way and add it up again.. it's only going to equal one. that's one chance you have for every year, month, minute, second and it's all precious.
i know that the life i'm currently living is actually digressing from the true path i need to follow, however, i don't take any day as a regret, because instead of going all the way through the path not having any experience i feel would be most meaningless. i feel that to take this path is but to first gain much life experience, then move forward. i rushed a lot of things, but at this etching moment, i know that i'm going to go in full and ready.
-ajc
- Achilles
i don't mean to take this quote literally... because to do so would be to say that greek gods exist, or to say that God envies us for our mortality. rather, i intend to say that the figurative dying to self is such a beautiful thing. us with our human, mortal tendencies are so flawed in every which way, which makes the choosing of the life of Christ all the more... lovely.
however, it's not all that easy.. obviously. to live the way the way of Christ is to suffer beyond compare, but with eternal benefits in God. even trying to figure out why this is so or why God is so loving is but a confounding factor to me. He is but far too loving and far too understanding for me to comprehend... and that is the beauty of God.
now, i mean to kind of take this quote literally. only in the second half mostly.
it kind of vocalizes the same opinion as the phrase "carpe diem." to live life to the fullest. now, the Achilles' quote only rings true if one were to literally carpe diem their life by virtue. however, here we are spending our days away doing absolutely nothing. getting nothing productive done. granted, there are times for that, but i really wish for this quote to be true in our lives.
the truth IS that any moment may be our last. the truth is that you never know if you maybe hit with a random disease, get hit by a car, get your plane hijacked, murdered by a cold-blooded serial killer, or die because your time is just up. i know that these scenarios aren't exactly the best scenarios to list out, but really anything can happen to our lives, our body parts, mental functioning, or family dysfunction. so with any function left in your life, live that out, squeeze to the pulp and leave no juice behind. "if life gives you lemons, make lemon juice..." or something like that. sieze your every day. and i really need to live by this, not in the secular sense but in the sense that the Lord will be pleased by what i do. that i would chose Him above all the other stupid things in this world, because really.. He is infinity times infinity to the infinity power better than anything this world can offer.
i think many of those either reading this or those in which i intend on writing this for... we really are in the primetimes of our lives. this is where are bodies, our minds, maybe not our spiritual lives.. but the first two.. it's where they are at their peak! this is most definitely one of the climaxes of our lives in many senses, so who are we to do such miniscule things. who are others to underestimate our beings. we were made for so many purposes in our lives, let's live them out!
and just to break apart the last sentence of Achilles' quote. we are here only once in this world (unless you believe otherwise), so there are no other chances with every passing day. the previous days we could've done this or that... but instead of lying in regret about the past, just sieze the days you have now and which are coming so you will never regret the passing days again. our life is limited, our days are numbered. if we were to break apart our lives into any way and add it up again.. it's only going to equal one. that's one chance you have for every year, month, minute, second and it's all precious.
i know that the life i'm currently living is actually digressing from the true path i need to follow, however, i don't take any day as a regret, because instead of going all the way through the path not having any experience i feel would be most meaningless. i feel that to take this path is but to first gain much life experience, then move forward. i rushed a lot of things, but at this etching moment, i know that i'm going to go in full and ready.
-ajc
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
homesick.
when you're lonely, recovering from a sicknesss, and sick of your redneck roommate and his tiring overly conservative comments... i guess you could call me a little homesick.
it's in these times that you start to appreciate home a little more. ahh how i can remember it..
when i stepped into home at norcal, you could smell the good ol' aroma of korean mom cooking, korean news going off, along with my raving uncle and his hella random comments... then you see my mom with the look of joy on her face. that was enough for me. i would just walk into my room, have a nice snackin going on to be accompanied by the nice cool breeze of the norcal winds from SF. as if that wasn't enough, my dog comes running at me with such excitement... such loving. and how pure it is, no judging to go along with it. he doesn't ask me what negative things did you do today? have you paid your rent? have you justified your way of living? no. he just runs at me and licks me, unjudging of anything. and it never gets tiring.. every single time he runs with the same joy in his heart, only to love me and lick me, wishing only to play with his owner... maybe he would call me his partner... in crime? haha i don't know, but really, i am so thankful of such a faithful and innocent companion.
setting aside the literal "home" part of homesick.. the friends of home. i couldn't ask for better friends, dongsengs, and church family. not exactly the perfect bunch of people, but they love you regardless of where you're at or where they're at. we've all been through our share of problems, struggles, and mistakes.. but who can love you better regardless of all those things than your good ol' friends? your dongsengs, they look up to you with unregarding faces, to care for you, to share in times with you, and sometimes even act like your equal.. (not that they aren't equal by any circumstances) and keep you accountable.
the times are definitely good here in korea. everyone is so very loving, even with all of the shallow relationships, or even relationships you've made, with tons of substance, there is a lot of love here in korea. you get to have an entirely new experience with entirely new people... i guess that's what kinda gets all of the couple-making going on. we think in our heads, man i've never done anything like this with anyone.. but to share this new, awesome experience with an entirely new dynamic of person.. i can't help but like them? i don't know. i'm just blabbering.
but regardless.. being alone at home here does get you a little homesick, wishing you could spend the good times with the friends you know are having good times. is it fileo type of love that i'm missing out on? i forget.. whichever ones are the ones with friends.. and the one with family. i don't miss the states by the material things... although i do miss the food, but i miss sharing in the relationships with all of the people back at home. those are all kind of at a stagnancy.
heck, one thing to not be dismissed is to carpe diem it up in here. i gotta sieze every remaining day i have in korea to the max. after recovering from this sickness, i'm ready to take on the world! here we go, koreA!
-ajc
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
