on pursuance.

i realize that, as a Christian, the life of pursuance entails a whole different perspective. it takes a change of mind that you don't see the exact thing at hand... but there's always something more you should be seeking.

when it comes to the true pursuance of living a good Christian life with a good Christian set of mind (i'm not even sure what "good" means itself), it's more than living the Christian life but living a life with your eyes set on Christ and nothing else - to seek no other one's glory but God's and God's alone.

when it comes to the pursuance of a partner or mate or whatever, it doesn't exactly mean someone who matches your personality perfectly, someone who your family likes the most, someone who you think would make the best future mate (not even idealistic), but someone who pushes you to seek God evermore. someone that, while pursuing, takes an even greater pursuing of God in order to fulfill that duty. and no matter what, it needs to be God first, before them. and they have to understand that. i think i have an idea about this... but we'll get into that later... when i'm more sure about it.

when it comes to the pursuance of your goal career in life, it's not exactly in what way your brain works (physics, math, etc.), what you love to do, what your parents tell you is right, what makes the best money, or what your dream is, but it's something that God has made you on this planet to do. it's more than your feeling, but a passion that is stirring in your heart. heck, if mine was to be a billionaire and fund missionaries worldwide, i'd be all for it. my life entailed talking to people and trying to be there for them and... COMPUTERS! so i figured, maybe i'll pursue computers since i love them so much and i happen to understand them really well. WRONG! that's a side story. then the people.. i figured, since computers didn't work... maybe counseling? i mean i seem to like psychology a lot and take it in really well. however, that wasn't the case, too. even though i had been pursuing that for most of my college career. and actually, it's not too say that it won't help me in my now present career path, because i actually think it really will.

when it comes to the pursuance of people and the way your heart is made for them, it may not exactly be who you are towards them at the moment, the way you're comfortable around them, or even who MAKES you comfortable. but it's how what fulfills your soul as you engage and interact with them. how you can share your heart and pour it out daily to one another, whether it be thinking about them, praying for them, having breakfast with them, or having a mid-workbreak talk with them. i don't know. i don't have this down for myself, but it seems as if my heart is opening more and more to different types of people these days. maybe cuz i'm in a whole new environment.

when it comes to the pursuance of knowing your own heart, that... is something i hardly even know, but i know that it's not by keeping stuff to yourself, talking with people all the time, spreading yourself in as many ways as possible, or putting yourself in situations where you're going to be uncomfortable. i don't know, maybe in many ways it is.. but i know that that's not the whole picture. i know that you need more alone time than you think. i know that you need something (hopefully someONE) to vent to and really have a MUTUAL heart to heart talk with. i know that it's in the pursuing of God to see His heart for you in a sense (and i don't even quite know what that means exactly). but i just know that it's something like that.. and probably more.

i just wish that i could, myself, pursue these things in the right manner. it's in my head, but it's not in my heart. i kinda believe that i also need that person who i CAN have that mutual heart to heart with. but i don't know. there are definitely many variables in life.. at least there's God as the one constant who holds me together.

i'm sure many people may disagree with many of the things i have to say. obviously this is more my interpretation and understanding rather than fact, but hey if you agree, then cool.