are you ready?

to go off of my previous post... i am ready to write a hopefully-legitimate post.

my mind is EXTREMELY occupied with many thoughts and i feel as though i might explode and ooze them all out.. but there are just a few things right now that i want to get off of my heart.

first, i want to thank my brothers, the ones that God has surrounded me with to bring me to where i am (or at least where i want to be): down on my knees. i have been rebuked, loved, and brought to a point where i know that there is only one way to get back on track: (as sam said) do it.

just do it.

it's weird because today that's the only message i got from a good handful of people that i care for and who care for me. just do it. there's nothing else, but just doing it. go back to the first love that i once had with God the first time i met Him and had a true experience with Him, experiencing that love and being overwhelmed to the tip-top of my head with joy.

starting from breakfast, it wasn't hey you can get back into it, just pray and eventually things will happen. but it was to ACT. that it starts with me wanting and being genuine in this relationship with God and not hesitating or thinking about how to do it but JUST to do it.

then there was a message from a good friend who just said to do it and not care about what other people think... because honestly that was what was on my mind. what will other people think of me? won't they just judge me and think that i'm doing this for the attention or just selfishly out of benefit for me and myself? but no, when it comes to that relationship with God, it's just Him and me. there's no others involved (well, i worded that badly but you get the point). i need to just get back to Him and give Him nothing less but my all.

my heart is still struggling and i feel it, but one thing that i know that ended (or will end) it all was the love and care that i got from my roomies. the boys i barely know but really i feel that this relationship is that much more supernatural than just being buddies and living together and getting to know each other. my one roommate rebuked me out of love for what i did, what i was doing, and for who i was going to be. the words that were also just spoken: do it. do what you need to do. just do it. nothing less than hesitation, nothing less than i'll get to it, nothing less than maybe's, nothing less than building up to it. but just do IT. because there's no doubting God and His power to make things happen - no matter how hard, no matter how difficult. He can do IT, He doesn't need a building up to it, He doesn't need maybe. He will do it. i will do it THROUGH Him.

i don't want to sound pompous in my experience today, but i do want to be proud of my roomies, i want to be proud of this experience, i want to be proud of God. the author and perfector of this faith that I have received because of Him. no kudos to me. kudos to God for working through others, circumstances, and through me.

i wanted so hard to write about things leading up to this, but every thought and every word i pour out is being consumed by the now that happened and the now that i feel, which is His love. His joy. the joy in His salvation.

i just hope and pray that i will be a changed man. man of God. i hope and pray that no temptation will break me, because i, Andrew Jimin Choe, have God in my life. i hope and pray that God will show me more than i am ever capable of, not because it's all in me, but because it's all in God.

let these words not be of feeling or by selfish disregard or of the devil or out of pride. but let them be of God, for God, and from God.

i love you all. i love my apartment. and as much as i struggle to say this: i love God.

-ajc