i'm sick.

and i hate it. i hate being sick!! i'm supposed to only get sick 1 time a year... but since korea, i got sick twice... what the effffffffffffffff :[

i think all those 3 days of sleepless nights and slaving/stressing over thanksgiving dinner has paid off.. in more ways that i wanted it to.

thankfully, the dinner was a success.. people helped out, people ate, people were merry. and that was just enough to make the entire weekend of slaving worth it. i almost didn't need to eat because i was so satisfied. however, i ate... and i ate ALOTT

i think 3 pictures should suffice to show the joy and success of this night.

however, being sick was not on the plan. i guess i compromised a lot of my body's strength and vitality for this on top of being around a lot of sick people probably did not help out.

anyways, i am so very thankful and lucky that this dinner turned out the way that it did. because seriously i have barely enough experience to do something like this for so many people, but somehow.. someway it ended up working out.

onto other things.

because i'm sick and i slept about 13 hours today, i feel really unproductive and felt like i needed to do something... so i watched TV. haha. VERY productive, right? i watched marley and me, and did not expect that kind of dynamic to come out of this kind of movie. it was a very REAL-life setting and the way the characters struggled and enjoyed life together was really well depicted. and thank GOODNESS for no sex-scenes. how could a movie get any better? :]

one quote that stuck out to me:
"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"

and it's so true. i didn't realize it but really when cut down to the least common denominator. dogs don't care if you're rich or your poor, stupid, smart. if you really show your care to it(him/her, whatever) that's all that really matters. so pure in heart. i know i'm going out on a ledge to say this, but if there were a personn with many of the same characteristics as a dog.. aside from the animality and stuff, i think they would make a very pure person. just show that person how to love, who God is, they would be set. i don't know.. i'm thinking some crazy things i guess.. maybe it's cuz i'm sick.

anyways, happy day to everyone!

-ajc

can't sleep...

insomnia.

this happens to me sometimes. but i know many friends who actually have it to the point where, in my opinion, it should be diagnosed. i can't imagine how hard it would be to not be able to sleep when you want to, or at least when you know you should. i'm used to easily falling asleep, so it really pisses me off when i can't. it doesn't make a good mixture with me especially since, when i'm tired, i can't wake up for the life of me. what kind of life could i live? i think by that point, i'd probably have to take medication to help me sleep... then there goes drug addiction.

anyways, it's been quite a day today going all the way to ilsan to help my buddy get his true religion jeans tailored. nonetheless it was fun! what made my day was trying 되지 곱창. this is mostly because of my first bad experience with 소곱창, i really didn't like the way it exploded in your mouth; however, 되지 곱창 was a different experience - mostly because it was not explosive and actually tasted like a piece of meat. hooray for trying new foods! now.. onto eating more 해물 type of stuff - that's something that i can barely get myself to do, especially when it smells hella fishy.

another thing. if i haven't said it yet or enough, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! man am i excited to eat some good thanksgiving grubbing. i mean granted i'm going to have to cook most of it and it's going to have korean versions of the ingredients (if i get the right ingredients for thanksgiving stuff -_-, i mean it's korea after all). but really, as thanksgiving approaches, i find myself more and more thankful for a lot of the things i have and the life i received to live. AHHH THANKSGIVING FOOD. i can't think about it enoughhhh. i think it's an even stronger feeling for me, more than others, because my family always goes all out in terms of the food. when i say all out, i mean ALL OUT. we really do it big, even if the numbers are as small as 4-5 people. we just eat the leftovers for days and days after. mmmm mm i can just taste the awesome mac n cheese/mashed potatoes in my mouth. crap it doesn't help that it's nearly 3am in the morning and i'm starting to get hungry. ugh. ok i should stop.

anyways, take it from me from my 곱창 experience. try new foods! even foods you don't think you'll like. if there's another person there next to you that likes it alot or loves it, you gotta change your perspective on the food and EAT IT like it's delicious! i would say 65% success rate - better than half right?

i've also found myself liking a lot of korean music nowadays. i've actually attained the ear for it and now enjoy it daily. omg, what's happening to me!? i'm becoming so much more korean by the days that go by.. eating 곱창 and listening to korean music (and all the other things previous, and onward). oh yeah, and my koreans finally getting better! thank goodness, i used to not be able to speak period, and now i can make some conversation with most koreans! HIGH FIVE!

one specific band i've been listening to nowadays is humming bird stereo. here's a clip by them that goes with the theme of this post.

please, mind their english. i chose this song because of the title of the song, but most of their other stuff sounds pretty good. a good listen.

i should stop blabbering now.

have a good day! and happy thanksgiving!

-ajc

theme of the day

lucky!

oh how lucky i am to be me. even though a sinner, to be loved by God. you could say that knowing that you're lucky is to also be thankful for being in your situation. i know that i'm really lucky to be in my situation in general. there is so much i know i'm lucky about/thankful for.

...

seriously i'm trying to think about what i wanted to write about when i was about to post something the other day... but then i decided to sleep... UGH BAD IDEA!

well, with the many thoughts that circumvent in my head, i can think of at least a few. sensitivity and my vices.

sensitivity. that's always been an issue. there's probably a different post on the same thing.. i don't know why i'm posting about it again. i really don't know why i'm so sensitive for a guy. you may not think of me as sensitive if you know me, but the closer you get, the more that you'll see the sensitive side of me come out. i just don't really like to show it because it shows an ugly side of me. i know i need to face facts with myself, and not fight it but learn to control it. i can't live with a mask saying i'm completely fine, or make the phrase "be a man" be the phrase i live by. i need to be real with myself, you, and God.

anyways, so this sensitivty isn't like if you call me something bad then i'm going to hold it against you. it's more like if you something out of my comfort zone (whether you're around me or far from me), i'm going to assume or conjure up the worst case scenario and think that you've done it purposefully against me. or maybe not purposefully, but more like to disregard me. i don't know. it takes a lot for me to dig deep into my heart and bring out the true me because i fight agianst myself and sometimes i don't even know what's really true of me.

it's complicated.

vices. i live with many vices. and i don't know if the word vice applies to all of them necessarily, but here goes nothing. lust, porn, masturbation, girls, etc. anything of the like. for me, they all kinda fall into the same category. and i'm not going to lie, it's one of my biggest struggles.

this probably shouldn't exactly be shared on a blogspot, because you never know who will read this. but this is kinda an outlet for me to be real with myself publicly. i don't need anyone to read it, but posting on a blogspot is more convenient than writing in a journal, or more real than writing in a word processor, so my apologies for any who are offended.

anyways, i really struggle with this ALOT sometimes, and very little at other times. although it fluctuates, it's definitely a vice that i wish to be freed from... so much. they always say that it's based upon how you're spiritually healthy. some people say that the closer you are with God, then satans going to do his best (in terms of lust/vices) to separate you from God, and others say that the closer you get with God, the more free you are from your vices.

i don't know what the real answer for vices. but i don't think i should think about that stuff too much, but self-control.

another vice. forsure it's gaming. i think all the vices i struggle with are more man-related.. well, not NECESSARILY pride.. even though i obviously struggle with it.. just not as much as others. (maybe i'm wrong) but games is a biggy for me, cuz i just love engaging in this world where i can have fun with my friends all over the world, and get good at a game, own with them, take over the world!! ugh. games. you destroy my life.

lastly(that i can think of off the top of my head), is the vice of people-pleasing. i try so, so hard to please people to the point where it's selfish. i please people because it gives me pleasure. i do it so that EVERYONE can like me. isn't that a load of bs? i don't know. i really like the fact that everyone likes me because i'm a "nice guy", but that's also the stereotype i live up to.

... ugh, got distracted. lost my train of thought!! sorry!! next time...

-ajc

hmm..

i was gonna post on something important.. but i kinda forgot..

oh well, happy thanksgiving!

really think about everything you're thankful to God for.

family, friends, shelter, easygoing lifestyle, good/decent health, etc, etc, etc. you probably have a lot more ideas of things to be thankful for but at the very least, you can be thankful for these things.

<3 God, <3 others, <3/more like respect yourself.

one week!

dang it's already been one week since i've posted on this things? geebus! i feel like time has flown by much too quickly for me to handle. i really felt at first that i had plenty of time in korea, but now i'm really trying to grab hold of the little ounce of time i have left here.

how to make the best of it here? do as many things as i possibly can? drink as many nights as i possibly can? hang out with friends as much as i possibly can? study as hard as i possibly can? go to as many places as i possibly can?

i'm pretty sure that the answer lies in the in between of things, but it's really where my heart is when i'm doing these things. is my heart set to really embrace the things that God has blessed me with? is it set to embrace the opportunities that i have had thus far in korea? i know that i'm oh so thankful for the things i've done, places i've been to, things i've tried, people i've met, and things that i've learned (although some classes are seriously bs). i've really had the opportunity to do so much and experience so much in a time span of so little. it's not by my choosing, although i had made the decision, but God set everything into place that allowed me to experience the things in the way that i did. granted, i had many struggles as well, but i know forsure that i've come out knowing a lot more about my self, where my faith is, and a little (tiny, tiny) more about who God is.. even though i'll never really be able to know or understand or FATHOM God and His perfect character.

on a side note. people are really hard to understand, because they constantly fluctuate in how they treat you, how they act around certain people, also depending on their thoughts at that time... or specific time of the month. i don't know. right when i feel like i've come to understand someone, they just up and make a 360 on me in terms of their actions... and also their beliefs. are we just meant to be beings full of holes and never consistent? because of our flesh?

is it because we're torn between the flesh and the spirit?

-ajc