The Fast Begins. Day 1.

Then sings my soul, my savior God to Thee.
How great Thou art, how great Thou art.

Seriously, how great is our God.

So. to really begin the post.

I've just started what may be the longest or shortest fast ever in my life. Really depends on how God chooses to answer. And I know He hears my cry, I know it. I beliiiieve it.

It all started with my friend, I'll call her Tatiana (for anonymity purposes). I think I met her at KCM and... probably through a friend or something, but we started having many classes together because we were both psychology majors. And over time I kind of got to know her situation: at some point in her life a few years ago, she was afflicted with a disease (or ailment/however you call it). This disease literally turned her life upside down; she went to see doctor after doctor to see what happened/what was going on. Up until that point (correct me if I'm wrong on any part of this story, it's just from my memory), she was fine and ate food as much as she wanted to and lived life... pretty much normally.

And my heart seriously BURNED for her. No. Not in that weird ooh lovey dovey sort of way, but in a way like MAN I gotta do something about this. It was definitely the Lord in all this. The Lord anointed that time for us to meet, hang out during/after classes, and for me to grow this irrevocable burden. But I was so immature at that time, and I had no idea what to do about it (this was about a year ago). So I basically just went along my business and festered in my immaturity for the rest of the year... up until the next fall quarter. It was THEN that the Lord started to break me. At church, we began doing a 40-day fast for The Call if you know what that is. And through that, numerous encounters, and the passage in Isaiah 58 about True Fasting, I truly started to realize that fasting isn't for me. Fasting isn't for me to grow personally, spiritually, to get more disciplined, to give up food that I was addicted to (at least for me), or anything for myself. True fasting, as it says in Isaiah 58, is for the sake of others (unless my fleshliness has been misinterpreting that this whole time). It's for others to be lifted up. It's for us to realize it's not about us. Yes, we're making a sacrifice. Yes, God can grow us through it. But the purpose is that we lift up other people's burdens/our burdens for others to God.

And man, did that change my life.. or at least perception of somethings on life. Haha. Basically, through the numerous encounters and this 40-day fasting, I realized that it's not about me. It's seriously about God, then others, then you. Just like that one ancronym. JOY (Jesus, Others, You). Don't attack me for plagiarizing! I don't know who it's from.

Soo... on with the story. Anyways, so once I learned this, I was like hmm.. maybe God can use me through this whole "revelation on fasting" business. And yes, as I saw Tatiana's ailment/issues getting worse and finding no legitimate way of healing, I knew this was it. There's no freaking way that she can be healed in the natural, it's going to be all God, and what better way to bring this burden to God than by fasting the same exact things that she cannot eat (any meat, cheese, any flour product, anything spicy/greasy/oily/fried/cold). Now everytime I eat, literally I think about the issue and pray for it, or at least think about it and feel the burden to pray. I truly believe that through this, God will hear and God will place His healing hand upon her. I know it's not going to be in ways that I wish for, or even in my timing for that matter. But I know she will be healed.

Oh and did I mention? It was seriously the most encouraging thing to see her everyday battling the sickness of her stomach straight up aching for every hour of her every day, not being able to sleep because of it, and seeking God through the Word and .. yeah. But man, I could see how God was seriously growing her in this situation. That's why I firmly believe that she is going through this, not for her glory, but for His alone. She is growing so that she can learn to lift God higher, and if it's going to be through this physical breaking then so be it. But I seriously tell her sometimes (or at least think it), "I wish I could take that away from you and make it my sickness." But man, do I not know a THING! In a sense, praise God that I'm not afflicted with the same sickness, because I would not be able to handle it. I'm a man who has no threshold for pain, I would cry like a baby, and ... God chose her for a reason. It's definitely good the solid group that she has surrounding her. God has surely blessed her.

I digress... sort of.

So in conclusion, I will have started fasting this a week after ash wednesday and tentatively ending it a week after Easter Sunday (depending on God). But this fast may possibly be indefinite (meaning no ETA or specific ending time). I'm really hoping and praying that this fast ends when she is fully healed from her ailment. This thorn in the flesh will disappear in due time. In God's time.

Just as the song goes:
In His time,
In His time,
He makes all things beautiful,
In His time.

Lord please show me everyday,
As you're teaching me your way.
That you do just what you say,
In Your time.

..

Lord my life to you I bring,
May each song I have to sing.
Be to you a lovely thing,
In your time.

Haha, I just felt like writing the whole song, but MAN this post is long. Anyways, I won't bore you with any more posts this long anymore... at least I hope not.

Teach me Lord, Break me, Use me, Mold me to be more like Your Son.
Let it truly not be for my own glory but for Yours alone.

Isaiah 58.

I'm getting tired, goodnight.

-ajc