"Love" and "break" just don't go together.

Everyone has their own means of finding and attaining love.

I realized this after I saw some girl carrying around an entire bag of those candy hearts with the inscriptions like: Hug me, Be mine, etc. And it's the month of March. Another example, an acquaintance of mine has a specific way in which they are going to meet their one true love. They lay out a a very specific situation with very specific details about them. And they are so very adamant about it. How unrealistic I think to myself.

But how beautiful would it be to find that one true love with all of the things falling into the "right place." I imagine it to be the most fulfilling feeling in the world, knowing that all things went right and this person is destined to be the one.

I don't know exactly why I thought of this, but truly this has some way of relating to Christ's Love for us. Yes, that's it. That is what we should feel about God, knowing that every day of our lives were meant to be. That every step of our very lives have been, as we say "destined" to be, so that it all falls into God's plan. God our lover, creator, friend, salvation, and the list goes on... I don't know, but I remember feeling times of intense joy just because I knew that I was a son of God. I knew that I had the assurance of salvation. I knew that I was lucky to be exactly where I'm at. I knew that this was it. This was the life. The life that He destined for me, with one disclaimer: don't just sit there, but carry out His perfect Will for me with full intent of loving and glorifying Him.

God, thank You for.. being You.

I think the true intent of my writing in the post today was to reflect upon this "break" that I had since two weeks previous to this day.

This break, I kind of realized wasn't truly genuine, but one of selfishness and intent of being exactly that, selfish. I mean selfish with a reason (truly there is no good reason to be selfish, but hear me out on this one). The reason being that I had fallen so behind on the important things to God and to myself because of all the "work" that I was doing for Him. Or that I thought I was doing for Him. This life had become so monotonous, so.. ugly. Doing things will full reason to just do them and get them done. Yes, God's work is good. But not when it becomes work. If you know what I mean. The work I do, I truly intend to only do it out of love, out of true service and surrender to the One who has loved me so dearly that He poured out His life for me.

I don't know if you follow, but let me elaborate a little more. So there were many things on my heart, such as this fast that I have just started, studying abroad, possibly changing churches, plans for the rest of the quarter/next quarter/next year, and plans on what to do after graduating. I just had no freaking clue what I was going to do. And that really bugged me. Yet, I couldn't do anything about it because I had been, up to that point and beyond, "faithfully serving" and being a student. Truly the "Holy" work that I was doing was all for naught because my only doing in it was to complete it. How awful, how sinful, how selfish.

But now as I reflect upon this break, I can truly see the benefit that God gave me through it. Study abroad was cleared up, plans at hand had been cleared up, the fast had been confirmed, the church thing... still is a big prayer on my heart that is being neglected, the direction for praise team was bueno (good), and I could truly see the joy coming back again. The true killer intent of seeking God, of loving more and more out of understanding more of His love for me. It wasn't a service anymore, but an act of love. And I also started this blogging, so what a great benefit! Ah God you are so good to me. Pua ha ha.

So let it be understood that God can use even the most sinful of times (not to say to intentionally choose to have a sinful time) for His glory. Still for His name to be lifted high and above.

Oh yeah, and I'm kinda sorta ditching class to write this, but I still hope that the Lord is pleased through this (selfish) sacrifice.

Praise God! :]

-ajc