Veritas.

this is the time for truth.

post to come.

*edit*

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

i don't know exactly why i just wrote that, but it was the last thought in my head before i started writing. man, i wish i had an awesome voice. so superficial i know =/.

anyways, i've been realizing and coming to know a lot of things about my friends, people, life. i just have to say, truth doesn't come easy. truth doesn't always sink in easily either.

i can't say that i can judge anyone either. because that's exactly what stands against me- judgment. we are all human, we all fall short of the glory of God. every person has there flaws, their weaknesses, their sins, their negatives, their downs, and the list goes on. yet, i feel that we need to see the negatives, work on them, but don't let them bother you. in a sense, keep a peripheral on them, but see the greater picture of God's grace and His healing for you. so while we work on our weaknesses, we must sharpen the sword that God gave us- the strengths that we have, the things we CAN do. now if i put down all negatives aside, i can see a lot of positives. i just hope that it will never get to my head. but seriously, God gave us bodies to work with and infinite amounts of choices.

this is all a part of being human, yes?

now we gotta take a Godly perspective on this.

there are many things i know i need to work on. there are many things that i have. as for the putting it into action concept, i guess i kinda work in the aspect of do what needs to be done first, then work on the things can be taken care of quickly, then all the other stuff. when i do this, things tend to get done pretty well. but i find myself not moving anywhere. this is because once i finish all of the main tasks and easy things on the side, i feel that i need to rest. and that consists of basically an entire day. so how to make this work? PUT MORE HOURS IN A DAY! psh. haha if only, but then i would need more energy for a day.. and... well the list goes on. basically, x because it cannot be done. 24 is the magic number and 24 hours it will be in a day.

truth: priorities.
action: keeping them straight.

1st. know your priorities. if there is one thing that has helped me with priorities is keeping God in the center of your life. now, as a human, we can't exactly do that the best. but one thing i've learned from retreat is to keep God in the periphery of all things i do. that way it will be much easier to put Him in the center of my thoughts more of the time. this sounds kinda self-centered. but i find that the more i work on this, the more easier it's going to be having God surround all aspects of my life. always being in my thoughts, always in my actions.

2nd. with 1 in mind, go about your daily business. with God in my number 1-5, i find that i wont actually have to make Him a specific priority but always have Him in my thoughts and hopefully He will speak and work through me. i don't want to put God in a box and say HE will do this and that for me. but God loves me. this i know because the Bible tells me so. i just hope that by letting my mind be less consisting of "me" thoughts and more of "Him" thoughts more of the time- that He will guide me and allow me to be discerning of what He wants done in my life.

---selah.

now i know i can't speak truth always, because i'm human and it's just that hard. but i think it's really time to just cut the crap and do things truthfully. with truth from my heart. i don't want to be doing things half-heartedly, but living life in a manner that is both truth on the inside and out. have my manner be supported by the things that i have in my heart. can i continue to live a life saying that everything will be okay, but feel judgment on the inside? can i live saying that i love God and He loves me when i feel that i cannot love or be loved at all? can i live professing to be a Christian- a son of God- when the life i live doesn't reflect that? the life i live reflects nothing but confusion, restlessness, conformity, complacency, and "lovelessness."

i don't want to spend this post putting myself down, even though i know i deserve to be. i want to spend this time just cutting the crap, cutting my "two-life"ness and living the one life that God has planned for me. that i would just be able to be honest to myself and honest to others, always. be comfortable with myself, knowing my flaws. i know that it's going to be hard forming one life, because that does mean that i will have to mesh the good with the bad. let others see my sinfulness, let others see my flaws. i can't protect the inside anymore, letting others only see the nice well-painted outside. if you were too look at me as a house, i would be the mansion with the ugly inside, dirt and messyness everywhere.

if i were to think of this as a project. i would have to break down the roof and the walls, leaving the mess to be taken care of on a different day. the next day, removing the shallow mess that i've allowed others to see just through the windows, it may be a lot... but there's much more. the next day, remove the tough, stubborn stains that were made because i left the shallow stuff to sit for some time. the next day, going into all the rooms, through all the closed doors, all the closets removing the remaining filth not leaving anything out. lastly, i would go through the attic and the basement, removing all the things that hadn't been thought of for a long time, but things that are still considered dirty or excessive. the only thing left would be me (the house), and the foundation that it was built upon- God.

how am i to live a life without reproach? removing the filth on the inside that i so mindlessly covered, the dirt that i let sit for years, the tough stains that refused to be removed, and the minor (but excessive) junk that lie around. with nothing left but God as a foundation, i am left as an empty vessel, only knowing God and nothing of the sinful past that i left behind. we are called to leave behind everything for Him. for us, in this day and age, it's removing it. it can't exactly be "left" because we're so comfortable with bringing it with us everywhere we go. so we gotta deal with it and dispose of it so that it cannot latch on to every aspect of our lives.

funny, i've learned all of this before. and i talked about it. but no action was ever done. i know that i needed to remove... but i didn't know what or how to remove. but i realize, it's everything. so much filth has been spoonfed to me through the media, friends, and myself and it just became a part of me, a part of who i was. but NO!

i say no to you sin.

truth? the only thing that is truthful and left to remain. it's none but Jesus. how can i not understand.

*edit*
sorry i was kinda all over the place with this post. i'll get back to you.