Tweaks.

So I've actually been playing a little with my blogspot, and it's actually quite fun! Haha and it feels like it's beginning to get more homey.

Anyways, lately I've been feeling like I've been out of sync. Probably because things have been getting confirmed in terms of burdens and things to tend to. Also, things have winded down in terms of the content of the quarter... but now I gotta get everything down for finals. Ugh, my bad if I begin to neglect this thing. But one thing I really worry for and want to pray against is the spirit of complacency in the spirit of how I feel right now and also the spirit of "madness." By madness I mean that as finals and deadlines are fast approaching, there will be times when I will neglect my spiritual walk and let perfection set in and take over every facet of me. I don't want to be self-fulfilling prophecy, but it'll be hard to fight the idea that my studies are important and that I should be a good steward of my studies, but... I should ALSO be a good steward of my time. Time management is key. One thing I really suck at. But do you know what I mean? When finals come, it's like everything else becomes secondary. I'm putting God second. How stupid does that sound? But we ALL do it... or most of us! Or am I wrong.. haha. Anyways, it's truly where our priorities lie.

But let's see, things have been more and more interesting lately, I feel that God is definitely using prayer and fasting in my life as a key element in my personal walk right now. And this goes along with the idea of love that He's been teaching me. The simple concept we all know as unconditional love, which is something our fleshly minds can barely seem to comprehend and live out is something being burdened on my heart to apply. There are choice people that He's called me to love as well, and as much as it's a struggle (against my flesh), it's also a blessing that I see bearing much fruit.

And this just in! It has been brought to my attention (through God) that I must impart wisdom, encouragement, and rebuke to others through my testimony. There are many freshman (or younger people in general) that I see are going through the same struggles that I went through in my first two years here at UCSD. And straight up, God is using me impart what I've learned in these struggles and basically that I can relate to them, even though I'm an old fogie 3rd year. Man, I'm a third year. Next year I'm graduating when freshman are just really starting to understand why they're here, what purpose they are to serve. I'm truly encouraged that God is growing some people so quickly... my growth was a little on the slower side (says my impatience), but granted I am where I am today, thankfully through the grace of God.

This is it! This is it!! :]

One thing that has been tugging at my heart (along with John Yeo) is small groups. I know it's kind of late to be starting one, but I believe that it's through these experiences that I've recently been brought through that I was just being grown to humbly lead a small group. I've been praying, and I think this is it. There's no one else to step up and God has placed a burden within my soul to lead others back to Himself. So what other great way to do this than small groups? I mean, my initial plan was to start small groups next year, but hey if God wants to use my fleshly, sinful, prideful heart to lead others... may it be all Him and to Him be the glory. I will pray about this a little more and I will have to confront this issue once again. God's people are in need!

I really also just want to pray against the idea that my sinfulness will take over in leading this small group. Because yes, I am human. But I do believe that God can use me in any way possible, granted that it's His will. I want to pray that God will use me as an empty vessel to lead these people, may it truly be from this that I see God's sovereignty over all. May it be from this experience that I start the right way. The right way... how do I say. I mean that it would not be my pride, my selfishness, my sinfulness that gets in the way of anything. May any thing that comes out sinfully be dropped from their knowledge and may only good things (of God) enter their hearts and be used to lift them up.

Again, wow.

From a certain burden placed on my heart, I am going to do all that is in my ability to attend morning prayers and pray for this specific matter, which I will lable "Like a Rock." Until Like a Rock is resolved, I will pray earnestly and urgently for God's sovereign hand to be placed over it and take care of it. May I ask in full faith, knowing that He is in control and He only has plans to prosper this person, to give them hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). God, may You reign and intervene in this situation. May Your name be lifted high. Only you can make true change happen, only you can show this love. Only you.

God I thank you for your loving heart. I thank you for your BIG heart for us. For me. :]


May I be changed truly from the inside out and proclaim with full faith when I say, "I Love You Lord!"
-ajc