failblog.

haha i kinda like this online blogging idea. it kinda drives me to post and vent... to the few amount of people who actually read this(although it's sort of disouraging to some.. sorry =/). even though i can just vent to a journal... it's so much easier doing this on a keyboard. and i knowwww i could probably be doing this on a word processor or something, but it kinda feels like there's no point but putting a bunch of thoughts on a flimsy notebook. actually.. it's a moleskine, but anyway.

so i realized.. well kinda knew but actually let it surface onto the forefront of my conscious mind. buuuut yeah. i realized that every relationship that i have with someone is based off of trust. you trust them with certain parts of your life, and they share theirs in return. also, it's a trust that they have your back in many... if not the worst of disastrous siatuations. trust is such a hard word to say. i trust you. or i hope it would be hard for someone... or else they probably would be get taken advantage of.

and that's part of my next point. although trust is something that unites brother to brother or sister to sister, there are many times that one cannot live up to that level of trust... in essence, fail. now that might not have been the intention of the one person, but it happened anyway. and the breaking of (or failure to live up to) that trust ends up hurting the friend and the relationship. (or possibly the hurt friend might sacrifice themselves so that the relationship doesn't get hut, but that's not as common). also, to present an alternative situation, someone could have possibly loosely used that word or given that idea to the other person... but that brings in a whole other situation that i don't want to get into.

anyways. my point is that friends trust, people fail. and people get hurt.

but to expand on the getting hurt. it really sucks because the amount that people end up getting hurt really goes into their future relationships, thus causing this entire butterfly effect on every person involved with the originally affected person and so on...

meh, just took a long break from writing this post and lost my train of thought. hope it made sense. maybe i'll come back to this.

so maybe i was trying to get to this idea that it's now become hard for me to trust others now that i've been hurt by so many other failed relationships from other failed relationships. it's hard for me to trust God. it's hard for me to have hope.