reach for the stars.

aii.. i wanted to write a post about... something.. but now it's 5am and i'm super tired.

well, here i go - i rant.

so today, my canon rebel t1i is supposed to arrive by delivery to my apartment. my knees shake with excitement - seriously. i've been waiting to get my own dSLR for the past.. 3+ years since i saw a dad at my church lugging that thing around and taking awesome pictures with it.

dream come true.

i already have my filters ready and battery pack/extra 50mm lens coming up... muahah you can tell that i'm ready for this. i've also been tracking the package nonstop since.. i ordered (which was 1 week ago) and starting 12am today, it's making its journey from LA to SD. hope it'll arrive soon!! weeeeeeeeeeeeee~ all i need to do now is buy the camera bag and i'll be smooth sailing from here. freaking, zack got his 7d and is making me mad jealous with his ultra-professional camera making all those clicking noises... haha envy, i do. i think buying too expensive of a camera would make me too on edge and .. really with the amount of experience i have i would be putting a waste on that camera.. it would definitely use a better and more professional owner than i. that's why i think t1i fits me and my semi-artsy, semi-knowledge on dSLRs. besides, i want to finish my photo classs sTRONG!

so... bowlings been going pretty goood as well. i sooo want to buy my own ball since, just yesterday at IM's, i bowled with THE most perfect ball i've played with in a while. the way it fluttered off my fingers and made rotations in that shimmery bowling lane was truly majestic. i wanted to buy it, but the dude said i couldn't, since it had "KM bowl" on it. eff man! so i decided that i will buy my own bowling ball ... soon.

man i've been spending a grip of money... which is why i'm really trying to find a job at starbucks.. be a barista!! lalala! haha man. people say they see me as a barista.. but i don't. i just like coffee. i just want to serve people and make some money doing it. a bit harsh to say it that way but i'm just going to be purely honest about it. man, i just know that it's not going to be an easy job, possibly working early mornings or late nights with lousy, grumpy customers just wanting their coffee for a daily pick-me-up. hopefully i'll get good at it... assuming i get the job.

i am also not looking forward to this next quarter... "officially" marking my last quarter here at UCSD (even though i'm going to be here for summer session 1). it's going to be one heck of a trip. and it's definitely already been one heck of a trip. i just can't believe it happened that quick. people ALWAYS say it happens quick. and you never understand til it happens. college is definitely the case. i'm at 3.7ish years done with the 4 years here at the greatest years of my life.. supposedly finding my identity, my future wife, and getting plugged solidly into a solid church.

so much for all of that. much of my own selfish self-journeys had led me astray and away from my ultimate goals. i mean, yes, i will be accomplishing what i was meant to here on san diego turf, but it was just prolonged... by a lot because i chose to be rebellious and not want to face some hard facts.

so here i am, still trying to find my identity, my future wife, and trying to get plugged back into my church. maybe it's all supposed to happen somewhere else - where i don't expect?

i sit here, next to my roommate, who's also posting (but on his tumblr) ruminating about college, about life, posting senselessly just trying to get my thoughts out on something concrete. i post to you, my blogspot community, whoever dare read my confessions - i dare try to be encouraging, but end up stagnantly writing nonsense, sometimes even being discouraging.

but i am trying. i am picking up. things are getting better.

OH! that reminds me.

i find that there is a big difference in your body/mind's attitude approaching a late nighter when you need to do it vs. when you want to do it. today was the latter, i just felt like doing a late nighter (+ zack wanted to go to vallarta's so i couldn't help myself and now i can't sleep off this unhealthy late night snack). today was just one of those "on" days when you feel like being experimental. i guess it was also because i started the day doing something i never do - donating blood platelets to red cross in escondido (FREAKING 30 mins away). yes, i complain. because i felt like i was doing them a service (2 hours of platelet/plasma donation) AND i had to do extra by driving an accumulated 1 hour just to do it. but hey, that's the selfish perspective. if you really think about it, people are in dire need of this stuff - mostly leukemia/cancer patients who can't rebuild their blood platelets, and blood plasma.. for whatever (look it up on google, i'm too lazy). and the san diego region is in dire need of it, which means patients in san diego are in dire need of it - tugging just a tad at my heartstrings.

and hey, look at the benefits i received: reassurance knowing that someone out there is going to use well the platelets/plasma that i donated, respect from the workers at the red cross (a little), good scenic views (to take pictures with my t1i) on the way, a hella good sandwich (hungry bears @ escondido), a free appetizer coupon for mimi's cafe, and some snacks/drink to give to my roommate. :) so many benefits for the little cost/time that i spent. thank you God for blessing me to be a blessing to another.

... it's 6am.. hello starbucks.. here i come~

-ajc