#93.. ?

i'm on my way to 100 posts in a span of 1 year.
interesting, it's almost nearing 1 year for this blog... man what a journey it has been in just this past year, i wish i could say that it was all ups, or at least mostly ups. but it's most definitely been downs, a good learning downs though i suppose.

once i hit 100, i plan on switching over to tumblr, because apparently it's way better - according to my roommate and jjin. ALSO there is better blackberry compatibility for tumblr.. another strong converting factor. iono, i guess since i'm going through a new phase in my life, i'd like to start up a new blog as well, even though this blogspot has been through many phases.

man, i can just remember the day i first started this blog, with tests the next day and being half cracked-out i just wanted to do something other than studying. and i must say, i ended up being a lot more diligent at it. very surprising.

enough about that.

i don't know, but i've always had a strong desire to post. post about something real, something about me, something about what i'm going through. i guess people telling me that they checked my blog also encourages me to keep posting and to keep posting in a real way as opposed to getting people to be interested. i really want to blog in a way that is like a REAL journal, but just "online." and a little public - because obviously not everyone reads this.

i kinda just wish that there was a recorder in my mind so that all my thoughts of that day get recorded down, and the significant thoughts are bolded so that i can just post about those things.. *sigh*, that would be a perfect world for me. because i'm definitely not the type of person that can easily vocalize their thoughts, especially when the time of that thought has passed. for SOME reason, i can never think that thought the way that i thought it when i had first thought it... if that makes sense.

what's funny is that just like my first post of this blog, tomorrow i have a test tomorrow and i am not in the mood to study for it, but i kinda feel like pouring out my heart... in a way that i have not intended, but i intend to intend.. i.. dskjakjdhakjds.

someone please decipher my brain and it's thought processes and vocalize it in a way understandable by most people on this blog!

haha. man. i can just go on and on about this... but i shan't.


lately, i've been trying pretty hard to get back on my feet. and with temptations always being thrown at me, it hasn't been the easiest time. however, i feel that with God and a good network of accountability it's been a lot easier than when i was in korea... DEFINITELY.

one thing that occurred to me as i was in norcal at my brother's church, abundant life, sparked in my heart when the speaker began to speak on the subject of temptations.

in 1 Corinthians 10:13, it talks about how God will never let us be tempted beyond what He knows we can bear. and i always took it in my mind, like yeah, yeah i know - thank you Jesus kind of thing. but it was then that it REALLY occurred to me. nothing, NOTHING .. or no TEMPTATION that we are tempted with is beyond what we can handle. so that literally means that every single temptation we go through is something we can get through. so in my case, the temptation of wanting to smoke, lust, drink, curse, etc. is nothing beyond what i can bear. yet, we fail so often. so if ever i was smoking, i can't say.. i couldn't help it.. because i really could've. but it was more of a self-regulation failure (tina!) or that i just chose not to.

or as i wrote it in my bberry:
God will always give us the power to overcome... anything. anything at all! i always forget this, no temptation ca nseize me beyond what i can bear.
but don't ever for get that it's all God, nothing of my strength.

--> humility, humility receives grace.

"the happiest people are those that never judge others, but judge themselves."
-some author

i can't say i 100% agree with the quote, but i do understand it and agree in the sense that what's the point in judging others? it's only gonna bring us lower and bring our view to a more cynical level. why bother? judge yourself before you ever decide to judge others, and if YOU'RE 100% without fault, cast the first stone.. and i don't think that telling has ever once failed.. because as humans, we are always flawed in some way or another.

hehehe.

who loves my blogs? and how they're such a crazy compilations of random thoughts... haha.

i just hope that whoever reads this can try to put themselves in my shoes and try to understand this. wait that wouldn't work, because i sometimes don't even understand my own thoughts... oh well.

have a good day!

-ajc