surprise surprise!

it's november. birthday month galore. and loving it. the fall season with the autumn leaves and SUPPOSED-TO-BE good fall weather, but it's freaking cold here in korea. wth! get a little warmer! looks like i'm gonna need to get winter clothes early. -_-

anyways, birthdays are freaking crazy this month. 6+ to count.

let's see:
david kang (nov 3 - celebrated) - 21st
daniel chang (nov 8) - 21st
eunice kim (nov 9) - 20th
josh tran (nov 11) - 21st
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (nov 15) - 21st
ben lee (nov 29) - 19th? noob!

there has to be more. anyways, that in it of itself is enough to make it a good month. hopefully full of lovingness, happiness, surprises, good gifts, awesome dinners, getting friends trashed, and finally having good talks, etc., etc., etc.....

anyways, speaking of surprises. i speak of the surprises that people pull on you. that they do something you would never expect them to do. i mean i guess it's lesson learned that you shouldn't depend on people 100% because in some way or another people will act up on another or fail one another. that's why there's the 10000000000% God. always dependent, more than 100% of the time. not to say He's a tool to be used.... but you understand me.

anyways, there's just a lot of stuff i've been dealing with in terms of people. learning that you can't fully rely on anyone to act as they have been the past ... somewhat amount of years, months, weeks that you've spend getting to know them. and granted, of course it is the same of me. of course i'll act up, of course i'm gonna fail. we're all human. if any one was to be unfailing it was Jesus Christ that He was flawless all the way to the Cross. man. that gets me.

i just wish i could trust people more, that i could rely on people more, i mena that's the way i've lived and grown up.. being dependent on people and relying on them for comfort, care, love, chillness, time, understanding, etc. but i guess it's something as well that i need to learn that i need to not put my 100% in them... unless they're my wife or something.. and EVEN then that person will fail me. i guess it's something more to be learned that i shouldn't feel let down, that i need to understand people as people. broken. with many hurts. swayed by emotion. selfish. loving to be loved. sometimes REALLY there for you and sometimes REALLY not. but hey, i guess it's after all of the thick and thin that you and another person will become THAT much stronger... and i can't say that i've really had that with many people. we usually end up failing at the thick... and sometimes the thin anyways.

i need a more accepting and loving heart. one that can be spread thin, but at the same time not let down. constantly being filled by the Holy Spirit. i say all these things and yet at the same time i hardly believe in them. ugh. save me from my contradiction.

-ajc